Purgatory

mfw...graduation

I've always felt strange in that time between school terms. Somewhere between the desire to relax after the storm and the imminent call of the future getting closer each day, there lies a special place in my life I like to call

HELL.

Ok, so it's not really hell. But the waiting=suffering, so close enough. The big breaks, like winter and summer, were the worst. But I'm finding now that the intensity of the feeling has little relation to the length.

Supposedly the biggest change in my life just happened. Yup, I'm graduated now *mini party*. But it's not the grand spectacle it was made out to be. It's more complicated than that, surreal in a way. I've been doing this college thing for six years (that's another story). My whole life up until now has been in school in fact. And now the class of 2012 and I are shifting gears into the so called real world. I have identified as a student my entire life, and now I am no longer one.         WOAH.

But then again, I've spent years preparing for this. I was "done" with that phase of the journey a while back. It's not like I'm without a plan either. Tomorrow I start working in the COLABORATORY internship, which is the greatest ongoing opportunity I could ask for to kick start my career. It's going to be awesome because I'm going to give awesome and work with awesome. Still, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WILL HAPPEN. And that's an uneasy thing to swallow sometimes.

Combine that with heart wrenching farewells to close friends off to follow their own dreams; people I've grown to love like my own. Saying goodbye to my girlfriend, who's been there in trying and great times alike, is not easy. Not knowing if I'll see her again is harder.


So somewhere between being excited for it all, saying "so long" to pastimes, and not entirely knowing what to expect, here I am. In the waiting place.


I guess that's part of growing up though. Sometimes I won't have a clear goal to be reaching for, and that's okay. I believe the trick is to never stop looking for inspiration, and if I still can't discover it, make it for myself.


As usual, this feeling will end, and I will once again find myself immersed in something/everything and with a clear action plan to move forward on this second quarter of life. Let's see if I can make that happen tomorrow.